Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
