I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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