Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
