like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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