One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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