I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
