you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
