Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
