so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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