im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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