She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
only you would photoshop your dick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
