so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are the jesus of drinking
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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