you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
