Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
