ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Two words: blizzard sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
