Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.