is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
