I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
