He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
