In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We need a shit load of segways right now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
