There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
