Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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