you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
