He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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