Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
