Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
