once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
