Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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