Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
