Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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