I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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