I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
