Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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