I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he thought i was a dude.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
