Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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