We're facebook friends in real life
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
