i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize