You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
