hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
