Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
