he thought i was a dude.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
