It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
