Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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