i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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