so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
