Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
