i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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