I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize