All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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