Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
