mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
