If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
