Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize