I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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