I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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