i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
