It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
