At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Send help, water and tortillas.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
