Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
