i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
